I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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