I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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