Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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