Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
