there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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