I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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