you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
