he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
