It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
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