I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
