Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
