What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
