It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
