i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
