Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
