hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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