fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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