I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
