the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
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