then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
