how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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