A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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