Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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