how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
