as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
