I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I AM VODKA MAN
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Randomize
