I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
