he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
