Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Randomize
