Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Randomize
