Non-Jews are for practice
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
