I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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