i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
