yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
mondays should just be called national damage control day
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
