I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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