Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
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