someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
