I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Randomize
