dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Randomize
