I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
