The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
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