well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
