Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
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