I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
But theres a keg here and me gusta
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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