I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
