I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
