So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Randomize
