The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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