Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
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