U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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