I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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